Objectify This

Right. Buckle up, because we’re about to jump on the Hate-on-Palin bandwagon. Firstly, when a vice-presidential candidate evokes bitter articles from people from her own home state, political party, political faction, and gender, who used to consider her a close friend, that’s a bad sign.

Secondly, when a vice-presidential candidate stalls her way through two interviews to the point where both Katie Couric and Charles Gibson ask her pointed yes-or-no questions, and she still doesn’t answer clearly, we begin to worry.

Could this woman, who has no idea what McCain’s voting record is or whether she supports the invasion of Pakistan, be a good world leader? Or is she simply an eager backwoods grandma with so little foreign policy experience that she confuses foreign policy with an occasional glimpse of uninhabited Russian coastline?

Thirdly, on September 11, 2008 in her ABC interview, she demonstrated no knowledge of what “the Bush Doctrine” was, (basically, a justification of preemptive strikes).

She also claimed that “what Bush has attempted to do is rid this world of Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hellbent on destroying our nation. There have been blunders along the way though.There have been mistakes made. And with new leadership — and that’s the beauty of American elections, of course, and democracy — with new leadership, we have the opportunity to do things better.”

In other words, she has no idea what “The Bush Doctrine” is — which I’m sure Bush, in her shoes, would not either, but she wants to continue it, anyway. What could be more Bush?

Fourthly, in that same ABC interview, she claims that war is the last option and that we need to keep all of the options on the table — meaning she is making no statement about war. In another section of that interview, she states that the iraq war is the “right thing” and Charles Gibson quotes her stating that “our national leaders are sending our soldiers on a task that is from God,” and she protests that she is referencing Lincoln. Yet Gibson tells her, “and then you went on and said, “there is a plan, and it is God’s plan.”

Fifthly, she claims that we should be friends with Georgia and Ukraine and let them join NATO and remain on good terms with Russia, even though Putin has stated that he will not tolerate any inclusion of the Caucauses in NATO. She is baffled by Gibson’s question about whether this means that she would side with Georgia against Russia or with Russia against Georgia.

Sixthly, Palin’s answers to these interviews have inspired the creation of an internet-based Governor Palin Response Machine. For example, I said “What’s up?” and it said

“No, no. I agree with John McCain, who use their careers to promote their careers. Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America … who grow our food, run our factories, and fight our wars.” Conduct your own Palin interview — it’s endless laughs for the whole family, unless she gets elected.

Seventhly, her claim that she has foreign policy credentials because she can see Russia from part of her state is a little bit like a claim to be a professional piano player because I have sometimes walked by Symphony Hall. That is either an insult to the intelligence of the American people or an unwitting admission of her own ignorance.

And finally, as CNN late night points out, this is the first time in a while (eight years?) that candidates have saved Tina Fey work of writing a parody. Check it out while I rest my case.